i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
