Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
