Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
