It's just like the Real World with babies
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
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