1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Are we in a gay sports bar?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
he puts the penis in happiness.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
