This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
