Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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