if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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