Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
