Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
