PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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