just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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