And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
So many bounce houses so little time
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I think pants incapable of making pants work
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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