oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
