For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
