I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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