I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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