I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
