Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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