I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
