Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
