i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
