you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize