then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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