I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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