k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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