so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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