Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
