Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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