You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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