Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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