And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
this is an emotional support booty call
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
