just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
