"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
