Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
