Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
