I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
