everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
