So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
