I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
