So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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