In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
