finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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