I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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