I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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