that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
