You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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