Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
