Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
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