I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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