I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
