I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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