Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
