Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
