that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
