I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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