This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
