The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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