it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You had me at "let me see your balls"
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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