You smell like stripper and shame
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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