I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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