There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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