Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
