Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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