Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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