I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
