You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
