i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I need to stop coming to work sober
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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