He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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