If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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