I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
