I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
