HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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