Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
