I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize